This is a terrifying moment. I am surprised at my fear because my obesity is not a hidden thing. I am not a gambling addict, a heroin junkie, or have some other habit that can be hidden with excuses and lies. Imagine what it would be like to walk around with all your pertinent financial information displayed in real time on your forehead. Credit rating, account balances, spending habits, all displayed for the world to see and judge you by.
That is my life.
I don’t need to wear a digital display for you to know I’ve made a series of bad choices that leave me disfigured and bound for a premature death. You can tell I have a problem just by looking at me.
So the shame that I might feel in pouring my thoughts into the public stream is already present. I am already in the public stream. It’s not as if I can leave my obese self behind for a trip to the mall. If we stand in line at a grocery check-out, nobody will know that you consistently max out your credit cards on shoes even though the mortgage payment is late. But they will look at me and know immediately that I eat too much and exercise too little.
Because my shame is already a public one, I find some comfort in discussing its riddance here. I, like Hester, have labored intensely to earn a way out from under my community’s judgement. Being funny, smart, kind, witty, and helpful are all ways to earn a bit of forgiveness for being obese. I have earned enough forgiveness from my friends that they do not reference my problem unless they are angry at me. Then, just as if I were a compulsive gambler or coke addict, the shame is hurled in my face like molten barbs streaming from a single word: fat.
My only respite from that onslaught is to remove its truth.
I have 100 pounds to lose. I will write a letter to each pound as I bid it adieu and publish the letter here. This will take some time.
I’m happy you stopped by.
If you’d like to support me in my journey, please subscribe to 100 pounds by RSS or email (it’s free) or take a moment to leave a comment. Thank you!
This is such a powerful concept. I’m overwhelmed by the rawness of this letter, and am yearning to read more. Good luck with the journey down – will be here cheering you on.
You are someone I wish I knew in real life and that doesnt happen too often for me with strangerfriends from the net.
The fact you mentioned HESTER is only the flax seed icing on the protein cupcake.
I struggled with my weight all through junior high school and the first few years of high school after my father left. I commend you for putting yourself out there, but do not place your resurrection entirely in the hands of kind strangers. Instead, take this time to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself the painful question of “why?” Why do you over eat, why have you resisted exercise, why are you afraid of change? Use the kindness of strangers as a support system, but your foundation should be rooted the truth and a desire to change. Everything else will fall into place. Shame comes and goes, change is forever. Good Luck. I’ve subscribed.
Looking forward to reading the first one. What will it be like? Sad? Glad? Melancholy? Repentant? Angry? At peace?
I think what’s wonderful about you writing a letter to each pound you say goodbye to is: COMMUNICATION…with yourself.
Our relationship with our self is THE most important relationship in our lives, and once we truly get that, that’s when true healing starts to happen. That’s what happened for me. That’s when the weight will come off and stay off because we are now in better relation to our body and give it what it needs to thrive and be vibrant.
I totally understand the shame part too. I shared much of my own feelings online as well. What is wonderful about sharing on the interwebs like this is that 1. you can help others via your own sharing and 2. you will find a vast support system of people who will be there to cheer you on and to lend a friendly ear when you need it. I love blogatherapy
Seth, what you are doing is amazingly honest with yourself and I know you chose the rocky road.
Rather than being quiet and trying to implement changes you are being loud and clear. And most important, you are actually implementing those changes!
Congratulations on that!
Over the last 2 years I lost 60 pounds and I am as happy and proud of myself as I could possibly be.
I have been following you in this journey and will continue doing so. Cheering for you, knowing that each day, each healthy snack, each drop of sweat is a small step towards feeling great.
I’ve heard people telling that now I must be happy… thruth is that I was happy before, now I am healthy and can enjoy life in a different way.
If you need support or I can help you with anything I’m here.
From Mexico,
Patricia
Wow.
Seth,
You’ve taken the all important first step, putting it in writing. I’m a huge fan of your blog & tweets and I’m confident that you’ll get it done.
My suggestion is that you give yourself a time frame for each pound. For example – two pounds per week is aggressive but doable. Then in 50 weeks, you’re done. This time next year, you’ll be at your target weight.
I’ve gotten great results with the Body for Life and P90X programs. Neither are magic – both are based in common sense but provide great frameworks.
Good luck – I’ll be pulling for you.
Great post and I want to congratulate you on your decision to make a positive change in your life!! I have lost 50 pounds over the last 6 months and I have never felt better about my health and the way I look!! I am still working to reach my goal and it is not easy, but you have done the hardest part by stepping forward!!
I will continue to follow you and support you through your journey and use it as inspiration to get me to my goal!!
And the most basic advice I can give you – you have to burn more calories than you take in. Bottom line… no matter how they spin it… no way around it!!! It is not rocket surgery!!
Good Luck!!
Seth,
I’m a fan. Even more so now.
I’ve got the same thing going on http://snip.li/46a78e. When I say that, I mean the exact same thing. My whole life has been tied to this struggle with weight and food.
Go ahead and give yourself extra points for starting this blog. It’s a brave thing to do. A positive thing to do. It’s the one step that begins the journey of a thousand miles.
And how many times have you taken that step? Too many to count, I’d guess. That’s why it’s so cool that you’re taking it again.
If there’s any way I can help you do this, let me know. I’m pulling for you. And I’m really looking forward to seeing how you say goodbye to each pound, each problem.
I’ve seen weight loss as a fight, as a struggle, as a journey. But never as a breakup.
Can’t wait…
i am not a fat girl but i totally understand the suffer you are undergoing.
actually i admire of your courage and determination on this matter and i really hope that you can make it.
i agree with what has said by Clay Hebert,give yourself a time frame and not overpush yourself.
i am a great fan of your tweets also and i know you can make it.
good luck and all the best.
i will always support you.=)
Seth, the insight into how you feel about your weight and how it compares to other things in life that are not clearly visible to others, yet are looked upon with the same judgmental eye was truly moving. Being someone who has struggled with weight issues in my teens and twenties, makes me feel your pain even more. In a society that judges a book by the cover vs. getting to know what the real character of the chapter reveals, makes it hard sometimes to keep or own self-esteem in check with the true depth that we each our. Seth keep your head held up high and believe in your self for who you really are, and if you want to lose the weight because it’s important to you and not because what others think, I’m sure you will achieve your goal. Thanks for sharing…
I’m so excited for you, Seth. You are doing a great thing for yourself, and I’ll be rooting for you. And you’ve got a great surprise in store for you, too. After several weeks of treating yourself well — consistently eating right and getting several hours of exercise per week — you’ll start to feel vital. An “oh, so this is how my body is supposed to feel” general sense of well-being. It’s great incentive to keep on going. Good luck!
what a great idea – a way to stay motivated – I too have 100 lbs to lose – in reality I have about 125 – it have blamed it on my thyroid for the last 2 years – which is true – but – I certainly need to take control…. I am subscribing and just may as a good friend says “recycle” your idea – with my own personal twist on it…if I do I will let you know – but I will be back to check on you – thanks for putting this out there – and good bye to those pounds one at a time….
Thanks so much for all the amazing comments!
Obesity and diabetes is a growing problems nowadays. It is caused by todays lifestyle which does not involve lots amount of exercise. Most people are just happy sitting in their office chair and they do not even want to sweat.
more people are becoming obese these days because of too much junk food and too much sugar in snacks and fast foods. `