How To Set Yourself Up For Success
by Seth Simonds
Many Paths Converge On A Single Mountaintop
I could never call myself a yo-yo dieter because that would imply that I lost weight as a result of dieting. I didn’t. I was a victim to my own expectations.
I expected myself to fail and, true to form, I always failed.
Then I began to look at the mechanics of my many failures and, over the course of a few weeks, came up with a list of 3 reasons why I failed.
- I expected dramatic short-term results without implementing dramatic short-term action.
- I wasn’t willing to accept failure on any front.
- I didn’t really believe that I could make any lasting changes in my life.
Once I had my list of reasons why I failed, I began to look for loopholes in my logic. I wanted to find a way to trick myself into succeeding. All I needed was a small success that I could build upon and attack my failures directly.
I decided to try walking 3 miles on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday that week. The first two days went well. My feet hurt a bit, but I was okay. Friday morning rolled around….then afternoon…then evening. At 10:30pm, I stared at the clock, then at my shoes, then back at the clock. I picked up a pen and wrote on the back of an envelope: “Put your shoes on”.
It was still Friday when I finished my walk. I’d made a healthy change…without failing!
Now that I had a success to stand on, I focused on how to build that one success into many larger triumphs.
In order to absorb all the little failures I was bound to experience, I needed to set a long-term goal with multiple ways to reach it.
I heard as a kid that, “if you are 1/4-inch wrong on Earth, you’ll miss the Moon by miles”. I worried about the astronauts until I learned that they are able to steer the spaceship and things weren’t as bad as we’d thought. Now suppose you were in outer space and your only goal is to reach Earth. Any back-and-forth movement doesn’t matter as much because your goal is some distance away and you know what direction to steer in.
In that knowledge, I found a key to a healthy lifestyle. I set my goal, back in January, as “To run 3 miles in less than 20 minutes”. Now, instead of asking myself, “Did I eat something not on my diet today?” I can ask, “Did I do something today to bring me closer to meeting my goal?” If I eat the wrong thing for lunch, I haven’t failed entirely so long as I follow through on an intense workout. If I skip my workout because I’m exhausted or injured, I haven’t failed so long as I eat healthy food and rest well. Giving myself multiple ways to succeed allows me to experience successful daily progress toward my long-term goal.
I had the opportunity to put my belief into practice after my Week 4 weigh-in revealed I’d lost only 6 pounds in two weeks (this is after 26lbs in the first two weeks). I could have been frustrated and given up, but I chose instead to focus on how I’d moved toward my long-term goal. It turned out that I had caused the slow-down by not eating enough. I wasn’t consuming enough protein, specifically, and calories in general to make my body happy with letting weight go. I began to eat more and felt entirely renewed within days. Focusing on achieving healthy progress toward my long-term goal allowed me to take the slow-down in stride. I was still succeeding!
When I look back on that Friday night and how close I came to failing myself again, I’m gladdened by the progress I’ve made. I have failed in small ways ever since, but the trend has been one of success.
Are you making a point to set long-term goals that allow you to succeed in a variety of ways?
photo credit: kmphotography
Comments
You’ve also created a community of people who are here to support you, cheer you on, push you out the door to the gym, and generally be amazed at what you’re accomplishing.
Any commitment worth making is not only worth making over and over and over again, but pretty much has to be made over and over and over again.
You’re an inspiration, Seth!
Hi Grace!
It *has* to be made over and over again? Oh well. I’m up for it!
Sometimes I question the sanity of discussing my weightloss journey as it happens instead of waiting until I’m all fast and ripped. I have a lot of things I’ve done well and I’m proud of that I could talk about…but I think, somehow, it makes more sense to share this while I’m in the thick of it. Here’s to assuming the best, eh? =)
I’ve never been good at setting specific goals — mine tend to be more general. That probably makes them both easier to hit and harder to move towards.
For example, I want to get into better shape. That’s pretty general. I should be setting a goal more like losing 40 lbs by September or something along those lines since my fitness problem is weight more than strength or cardio.
It would be easier to motivate myself to work towards that goal, but harder to actually achieve it.
I like the way that you’ve outlined opportunities to make multiple routes to success as well as offsetting “failures”. You’ve built in some contingency to help you stay on course.
I’m glad to have found you over here Seth. I like the niche you’re working with this blog.
It’s the chainsaw-wielding golfer! =)
If you’re good with cardio and strength, check out my post on the five questions to ask before eating anything. That was the start of the real weightloss for me. The running is just a concrete number that I think would be awesome to meet. I love the idea of being fast.
I’m glad you found me, too!
I think about these issues a lot. I know for me, what has worked is not only setting multiple routes to success, but multiple measures of success. This may not be true or work for you – but I found myself increasingly frustrated by my goal of weight loss – partly because it wasn’t happening in the way that I wanted, and partly because I didn’t find the idea of weight loss, by itself, inherently motivating.
I decided to create some other measures of success: including things like balance, progress in my athletic domain (I train in Tae Kwon Do and am training for my black belt…and I’m at least a year away from that goal), capacity (how many pushups can I do?), etc.
I’m not sure anyone would ever look at me and think I am an athlete. I’m not slim. But: I am muscular, I am very strong, and I have an athlete’s resting heart rate. My endurance is HIGH and my recovery is FAST.
All this to say that when I developed a rich portrait of success, that worked much better for me than a single-dimensional goal (weigh “X” on the scale).
I still get hooked by the number on the scale. I, for sure, wish it was different. But in the meantime, I can revel in the success I’ve already experienced and am continuing to build.
(aka MoneyGal on your Twitterfeed!)
What a great message! I may end up adopting this as I, too, have had a history of focusing on the negative and letting it derail me. Thanks!
Thanks for posting this! (actually was directed here through a sparkpeople tweet) I’m struggling through a particularly bad bout of self sabotage right now and looking to find my way back on the path that gave my so much success earlier in the year.
your insights here may be the key to helping me find my way back – or at least a paving stone on the path back to success!
Thanks again
Seth …
Thanks for sharing your good insights.
Just promise me that you won’t lose that smile!
… Robin
Exactly! That’s the way to do it!
On weeks when I’m not losing as much (or even not at all) what I’d like to, that multi-faceted approach has allowed me to continue without feeling crushed by defeat as I would have years ago.
If you’re muscular, strong, and fast, all that’s left to trim down (if it turns out you want to) is a change in eating, yeah? It can be a really tough step (it is), but the results are worth it.
Good on your for taking such a holistic approach to fitness!
Hi Tonja,
The turning point for me came when I realized that I didn’t need to take a specific path in order to reach my goal. When I got side-tracked, I didn’t need to spend time trying to get back on my old path. I simply needed to look at my goal and take the next step (from exactly where I was at that point) toward meeting that goal.
I really wish you the best of luck in your journey. The more ways you give yourself to find success, the more excuses you have NOT to focus on failure!
My smile isn’t going anywhere, Robin! My face seems to be getting thinner though. =)
Uh, yeah, sorry. I actually consider that encouraging – that it’s got to be made over and over again – because I know myself better than to expect “once and done” on anythign big. So expecting to have to re-commit makes me feel less like a failure when it happens.
Sorry. I didn’t mean to be discouraging!
No, no. I wasn’t discouraged at all! I don’t think anything about life is “once and done” as you say unless it’s dying…which is something I’m working very hard to avoid. =)
You’re delightfully supportive.
I need more emoticons.
I love it. I ADORE the notion of multiple ways to success, Seth. I love the visual of you writing on the envelope. All of it.
You’re number 3 reason you failed in the past: ” I didn’t really believe that I could make any lasting changes in my life” is so common, very common. Many people I help thought the same in the past. They just didn’t think they could do it.
But then I help them make some small successes, they see results, and they really start to see that it IS possible. Amazing the power of one’s thoughts.
It’s great that you realize first, that it does take steps, and two, that you have multiple ways of getting there. Excellent!
Also, that you’re looking at the positives (I walked 3 times this week) as opposed to the negatives (I ate something not on my diet). I always have my clients look at the positive, always.
Thanks for your insights!
Great Post! Read it yesterday and have been thinking about it all day. I think you hit on the prime ingredient all of those motivational books on the market strive to communicate and you did it in One Post!
It is the Big Goal that defines all of the smaller activities that get you there.
I’ve personally had a number of achievements that worked out that way – I wanted to get back to being a 4 handicap golfer (where I was in High School) after some years of not playing very much. I set up a regimented practice schedule, and that motivated me to do such weird things like getting up a 5am to practice before my day job. I wound up overshooting the goal and was a 1.2 at the end of the season!
Also had a similar goal to yours some years ago. I started running for fitness. Then thought it would be interesting and charitable to run some 5k’s. After barely finishing one or two of those, my goal was to break the 20 minute mark. One full summer of practice and I hit 18 minutes and won a medal for my age division. And this is from a kid who had to walk the 600yd “dash” in High School! That goal led me, inadvertently, to being in the best shape of my life.
What’s interesting is that I sit here presently with no particular goals or ambitions and your post Really hit a nerve. It’s crazy what you can accomplish with the right Big Goals!
I know you’ll crack the 20 minute mark. Keep up the good work and let us know when you do!
Hi Marty!
I’m a huge fan of “weird things” as you call them. Getting up in the morning and exercising first thing was a huge change for me. A change that has trickled over into every other part of my life. The more goals you accomplish, the less “crazy” it seems and the more addictive it becomes, methinks.
Thanks for the encouragement. Running, I can do. Golfing? Now that’s another story. =)
I’d be very interested to hear about your next big goal!
Do your MetRX shakes come with Pollyanna supplements? =)
I know you’re visualizing me, sitting on my bed, scarfing bag after bag of beef jerky muttering to myself, “Carla was right, Carla was right”. Not today! =)
How do you go about helping people see that for themselves though?
I’ve noticed that many of the “triggers” that set people off on journeys of self-discovery have little, if anything, to do with the final goal.