How do people get to be tremendously fat? I don’t mean a little chunky, beefy, or heavyset. I’m talking prodigious, massive, positively huge.
I was one of those people (very recently, in fact).
I believe severe obesity is, for many people, the result of something I call (for lack of a better name) the obesity cycle:
The Obesity Cycle
(and how to escape it)
1. Fear of failure
Sure, packing on pounds is a failure in itself. But a slow, consistent failure is easier to digest than the dramatic failure of giving up in the middle of an extreme diet. No matter how you gained the weight, it only takes a few failed diets before you start to think that perhaps diets aren’t for you and that you’re destined to be obese for life. It gets worse. Many binge dieters don’t just gain back the weight lost during extreme diets. They typically add a few extra pounds for good measure! This creates a situation in which logic dictates that going on diets will lead to even more weight gained.
Escape phrase: “My failings do not make me a failure.”
Escape route: Use tiny triumphs to remind yourself that you can follow through and do what you’ve promised yourself you’d do. Try walking for ten minutes every day for a week. Once you can do that, add more difficult challenges. Don’t feel stupid for being happy that you’ve done something small. YOU DIDN’T FAIL. Revel in it, remember it, and use that thought to push for greater wins. You can do this!
2. Low self-esteem
You don’t have to be fat to feel badly about yourself. You might not have as pretty a face as you’d like. You might not be as smart as you’d like. There are so many reasons to feel poorly about oneself! At least, there are if you decide to dwell on them. If you don’t feel like you are worth taking care of, guess what happens? You stop taking care of yourself. Low self-esteem is a popular way to enter the obesity cycle and it’s one of the most difficult to escape. Why? Because it’s all in your head. There isn’t a person in the world who can truly convince you that you are worth taking care of. You have to choose for yourself.
Escape phrase: “I am deserving of care, love, and forgiveness when I forget to show care and love to myself.”
Escape route: Ask yourself, ”am I unhappy because I’m overweight or am I overweight because I’m unhappy?” Then again, you might be the jolliest fat person in the world… or at least pretend to be. We know you cry yourself to sleep at night under a blanket of potato chip bags and snickers bar packages! I’m not a psychiatrist and I can’t offer you some 35-step plan to emotional nirvana. What I can offer you is the affirmation that you are worth taking care of. You are worth the ups and downs, pain and joy, laughter and tears of this adventure toward recognizing your value as a person.
3. Emotional eating
You eat when you’re happy, sad, alone, in a group, bored, excited… you pretty much eat as your primary physical response to stimuli. This is the part of the cycle that leads to a lot of consistent weight gain because it involves us using food to chase the pain resulting from failures and low self-esteem!
Escape phrase: “I give myself permission to express my emotions and will strive to seek real solutions to my problems and not try to hide my pain with food.”
Escape route: Watch this video and read the included article for a possible solution to your emotional eating. Some cool people left amazing comments that you might find helpful as well!
4. Poor body image
This is the part where a lot of people break into diatribes (angry speeches) about how the media is to blame for the way we view our own bodies. Some of that might be true for the people who need to lose 5lbs in order to look like a Victoria’s Secret model. I daresay none of it applies to the excessively obese among us (myself included). But we act like it does. We look at magazines, watch movies, and browse websites filled with images of people who don’t look like us. We think, “wow, if I looked like Brad Pitt then women like Angelina Jolie would want to date me.” Is it true? In part, yes, and we all know what you do when you’re feeling like crap because Angelina isn’t calling you: You put as many cheeseburgers between you and Brad Pitt as possible. This makes you fatter and gives you more reason to feel like a big fat failure.
Escape phrase: “If I had ’s body would I actually take care of it or would I soon be overweight again, eating chips and wishing I looked like ?”
Escape route: It’s diagram time! Take a piece of paper (or open new document on your computer) and write the name of a celeb or person you wish you looked like. Now write down what you think it would feel like to wake up in the morning (alone) as that person. I think you’ll be surprised by how well you take care of your celebrity body in contrast to the way you treat yourself on a daily basis.
When I’ve asked overweight friends to try this exercise, every single one of them made their celebrity body eat a healthy breakfast and work out in the early morning. Not to get all woo-woo on you but this might just be a situation in which visualizing yourself as the person you want to be can lead to your becoming that person.
5. Isolation
It is a very, very lonely thing to be extremely overweight. When you stop caring about yourself, feel like a failure, look different from others, and you consistently feel like crap… it’s easy to see why you’d feel alone. It’s awkward to eat with others because you imagine they’re all watching you eat and judging you. Everybody is watching and thinking badly of you when you’re very heavy. Well, at least that’s what you’ve convinced yourself of. The more alone you feel, the more you eat to stave off the pain. This, as you well know deep inside, is not going to work in the long run.
Pass phrase: “I will no longer allow my weight challenge to dictate how I interact with my community.” (If you’re 600lbs and want to go rock climbing with your friends… you’ll want to modify this phrase a bit until you’ve dropped some weight.)
Escape route: Choose a non-eating activity that involves other people and participate in it regularly. If you’d like to really set yourself free, pick something that none of your friends do. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to try your hand at comedy? Sign up for a night class and really get into it! This has two benefits. The first is that you’ll be doing something you enjoy that involves human interaction but not eating. The second is that the people who have only known you to be very overweight will be the quickest to notice when you lose weight. Call me crazy but there’s nothing quite so cool as having a new friend remark on your seemingly improved health!
Do you have any questions, thoughts, additional wisdom or a story of your own to add? I’ll look for you in the comments!
Wonderful video, Seth. I think this is a question that all overweight people must have to ask themselves — how did I get like this? Because I know from experience, one day you just realize, “I’m fat” and you truly don’t know how it happened. I’m 60 pounds overweight now, down from an all-time high of 90 pounds overweight. The day I stepped on the scale and realized I was so close to that 100-pounds-over mark was the wake-up call for me.
Every “reason” you’ve cited here was true of me, but what I had to realize, and what I think the contestants on Biggest Loser always have to realize with a teary scene, is that none of that stuff really matters, what matters is you’re killing yourself with food and inactivity and that no reason is good enough to keep on doing it. True, you have to deal with the psychological issues in order to keep the weight off, but the bottom line is…stop eating so much and start exercising more. That’s something you can do right away, today. You don’t have to solve all the problems in your life to start making a positive change.
I wish someone had been able to reach out to me before my problem got so out of control, but that didn’t happen. It was just me and the scale, and then me driving myself to a Weight Watchers meeting scared out of my mind. At this point I still wonder, if I had it in me all along to turn my whole life around, I didn’t do it sooner. Why did I eat everything in sight for years, instead? Oh well. That’s the past, I guess.
Something you are totally right about is that people are not comfortable talking about weight. This is why I’ve made it a point to talk openly about my journey, even, yes, my exact weight (which is 185, down from 215). When I first started losing, I thought I’d burn all the pictures of myself fat, pitch all my “fat clothes,” and never mention it again once I got thin…but oddly enough, the more I lose, the more I want to talk about it, because to be honest there are a lot of overweight people around, and I know being overweight sucks, and maybe I can help somebody. While it’s not ever easy to approach someone who is packing on the pounds from stress eating, if they know that I’m “recovering,” so to speak, and am comfortable talking about it, that may be the best way I have of reaching out to them.
Great video, and wishing you good luck with your efforts in the New Year.
Allison,
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I was nodding my head as I read through your response, thinking “yes, yes, uhuh, yes!”
I really appreciate your reminder that we don’t have to try and solve everything at once. Little triumphs stack up to big wins over time. I cling to that truth when things get difficult or I just don’t feel like doing something in the name of better health.
I wish you all the best on this journey we’ve each chosen in our own time and way. Hurrah for us! =)
I’m a fan of MizFit and she directed me to you! I’m crawling all over your posts right now! Just what I needed to get re-focused.
Thank you so much.
@laughitoff
Hi! I checked out your site. Goodness! You’ve tried a lot of diets! While I take a more serious approach to weight loss & health, I totally appreciate your angle. I need to find more things amusing… Hey, I laugh at fat jokes. That counts for something, right? =)
Wow. So much word here.
Where to begin?
You know, i’ve always been “the fat kid”. So being overweight is almost like an old comfortable shoe. Err… one that is not very comfortable for obvious reasons. There was a point where I lost 60 pounds and felt GREAT about myself and the world around me. I was in amazing shape. I loved to exercise!
But then I gained it all back and then some. Now I am 150lbs overweight. I am morbidly obese. Not just overweight. Not just a little chubby. Not even just plain old fat.
Morbid = going to die. So i’m killing myself. Great.
And then I woke up. I had this amazing Aha! moment where I looked at my children and looked at myself and realized what I was doing.
I’m just starting out on my journey. But I can honestly say, I know what makes me fat. And yes… it’s definitely my fault. But, I am working on controlling it. And I am celebrating my own mini-successes.
It can be controlled! And you don’t have to go on The Biggest Loser to do it!
I love your blog and added it to my favorites!
I look forward to reading updates!
You are incredibly inspirational.
Good luck on the remainder of your journey!
~Kellie
I’m so glad you stopped by! You sound so strong, so sure, so focused. I’m a little bit jealous!
I’m so proud of you for taking this on and making positive changes after years of painful resignation. I’m headed over to your blog to get myself caught up to speed!
Talk soon!
I just spent awhile on your blog. Weight has never been an issue of mine, but health definitely has. You write and speak with such honesty and positivity, which I love! I’m just at the stage of re-introducing exercise into my daily routine, which isn’t the simplest thing considering the all of my health issues. Also, as much as I hate it, I have to go slowly. Jumping into anything just leaves me dizzy and sick for a week!
Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’m positive that you will reach your goals and maintain them. I really like your replacement for emotional eating being a run =D. Although I cannot do that at this point, I really like the concept, and am going to try to find a suitable alternative for myself! Happy New Year!
Hi Lauren!
I need to write more about the general healthy living stuff. The eating, exercising, sleeping, etc. I’ve worked through nearly all of it but am still early in blogging this part of my life so it’ll take a few weeks before you see much of the non-chubby dude stuff. =)
I couldn’t run at first. I was out of breath after two flights of steps! Now it’s getting easier to run but it’s just as hard to get my butt outside and actually do it. I’m learning though.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I really hope you’re able to find some exercise that gives you the good feelings without all the dizziness and pain. You deserve good things!
Don’t worry about the healthy living part, I’m sure it will all flow naturally! Everything you’ve written about so far is great, and I’m looking forward to following your journey.
Depending on the day, I get dizzy just picking something up and multiple flights of stairs pretty much always gets me out of breath, or at least breathing heavier! However, I did start doing 5 minutes of cardio and that seemed to work for me. I was out of breath, but in a good way! My heart was pumping and the blood was moving!
Thanks! I’m just sifting through all sorts of exercise types – I used to be extremely active so I definitely miss it =D.
Oh and I am newly subscribed to this blog!
~Kellie
On it! =)
Your writing and videos are so ON. I kinda wish I could get sick and have a good excuse to stay in bed and catch up on your entries and entries/blogs of those who comment.
I’m new on my fitness journey and am finding this blogging community so helpful and supportive…a God-send, really.
I’ve also subscribed to your blog. I haven’t quite figured out how to get fit, yet, so I don’t know how supportive I could be, but I sure am rooting for you.
I like the mental exercise of pretending to have so-n-so celebrity’s body and how I would care for it.
“Not to get all woo-woo on you… ” — made me smile.
Isn’t MizFit a great person?!
Don’t get sick! No, no!
We can figure this out together. I read a lot and have had a lot of smart and educated friends to talk me through this. I’m so very lucky. Still lots to learn… and to execute!
Who was your celebrity? eh? =)
The Miz is amazing. Truly.
Sandra Bullock
I am not overweight but I get it. I am an emotional eater and I can slap on a few lbs in a blink of an eye. I’m working on this.
Great video, Seth. You are so self aware.
I have a lot of self to be aware of. It’s easy. =)
Emotional eating is something a lot of my skinny friends are working on. They know it’s going to catch up to them in 20 years and are terrified of porking out. If they do, they won’t be able to rib me about it, will they!
So glad you’re here!
Hi Seth!
I came across your blog via MizFit. You have such a way with words and I just spent the past half hour reading through your old posts and letters (love the letter idea, btw!).
I am also on a mission to lose 100lbs… well.. probably more like 120 now that the holidays are here. I had been feeling pretty down about my situation but decided to get back to blogging and back to working out and eating healthier. I’m glad to have found your blog and will keep reading for inspiration!!
Best of luck to you in 2010!
You’ve reminded me! I need to get some more letters written. The pounds are gone… time to bid them adieu!
Stick with me. We can make this happen. 120lbs isn’t so very much when you take it one pound at a time.
I’m all about breaking things down into achievable goals. We can do this. You can do this.
It’s going to happen. Let’s get to work!
I have lost over 100lbs. I have to say though that as I lost the weight, ironically, my body/self image diminished. Isn’t that crazy? All of the fat that I had on my body was sheilds from the outside percieved perfection that I was running away from. For me, when I was heavy, I felt that there was an ‘them’ and ‘me’ mentality. As I shopped through Lane Bryant I would berate the ’skinny’ models as unhealthy and not real.
However, when I got into ‘normal’ sized clothes those models and the pressue of being thin crept up.
I was down, at one point, about 132lbs. Then I bottomed out. I gained about 30lbs of it back. I was ’so good’ for the longest time. How many times have you heard that from someone who has been dieting. The real issue is that at the core of who I was…I got so obessive about comparison coupled with an boyfriend at the time who ‘I have a problem with your weight’ (post 100lb loss) that I felt unworthy and unloving toward myself.
I believe the obesity cycle stems from an inability to value, love, appreciate and respect our bodies. If we use that as our roots then we choose healthy eating choices, control binges, enjoy holidays–but don’t guilt ourselves into a depression, have healthy relationships and good health.
I know this is a long post. but it’s taken me EIGHT years to unravel this mess that I’ve twisted myself in. I am now so much more aware of what my body needs and what my sould desires. That..really..in my opinion..is where you have to start.
Thanks for being honest.
Hi Michelle!
I’ve wondered about whether or not I’ll act differently once I’ve grown leaner. Will I be pissed because I don’t fit into a particular pair of pants that I would never dreamed of fitting into months earlier?
I don’t think so. I’m a huge dude. I’m never going to be a tiny person. Can I be ripped out of my mind and look great in my XL ribbed t-shirts? (LOL) Yes. I’ll still have very long arms and muscles that don’t fit into normal-sized clothes.
I’m very much okay with being different. I just want to be healthy, to feel like I’m taking care of myself, and to be able to run like the wind. If I could do all that and be round as a pumpkin… I’d be round. I’d have jackets made from dozens of yards of the nicest fabric, I tell you! =)
Thank you so much for your response. You truly have it figured out. I’m so glad we get to hang out for the challenge next week!
This post deserves all the attention it can get, and more.
Hi Seth,
I’ve been following you for ages on Twitter but had no idea you struggled with a weight problem. I had lunch with Mish Gay – @eatingjourney – today and told her about PrimalStride. As you know, she’s already connected with you.
Mish and I are both American and both live in Western Australia. We met at Weight Watchers. We instantly connected because we’ve both battled a weight problem for all our life.
I’ve written about being overweight. Your About 100s resonated with me because, I too, am sick and tired of hearing how successful people lost weight. You never, ever hear about the struggle and it’s not motivating to hear how someone else succeeded where you’ve failed yourself.
I joined Weight Watchers for the 4th or 5th time in my life in 2005. By 2008, I was down 66 lbs with about 20 to go. I wrote this post called My Year of Hard Truths for the ELCA Board of Pensions in an effort to highlight the struggle. https://www.elcabop.org/Home/LiveWell/Wellness_voices/MyYearOfHardTruths.aspx
As I start 2010, I’m faced with a significant weight gain. I started a business in October 2008 and, in the process, relaxed my vigilance with my health plan. I’ve subscribed to your website, start Weight Watchers again and move forward.
I know what I need to do. Now I’m going to do it. I look forward to the community your website will provide. I don’t need more theory and advice. I need support and understanding. I can tell you’re the same.
Sincere thanks for doing this. Cheers, Sarah
My comment is a little late, but I still wanted to say THANKYOU! and I apologise for my tardiness
THANKYOU for your honesty, baring your soul and giving to others who are in the same circumstance the inspiration and the understanding that they are never alone in their struggles.
You have pinpointed what I strive to encourage everyday amongst my clients, family and friends… where the mind goes the body follows…that is, our bodies are merely a reflection on what is going on within! We can’t have a fit mind and a sick body – it just doesn’t make sense.
Helping people understand that THOUGHTS are the main driver for EVERYTHING, that self-love and appreciation for yourself IS the answer, will help more people enhance their health and wellbeing than any diet-pill, smash-yourself-silly workout ethic or media-inspired-drivel, ever will.
You rock
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