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Dear Dominique,
I didn’t smile much when I was with you. Like some youthful Keating I lived in direct contradiction to Ellsworth Toohey’s edict that fat people must be jolly.
It was freezing cold outside as we took our last walk together. You didn’t seem to care. Your stuff was packed. You were ready to go. The walk was a formality. The final stanza in a biological poem about metabolized lipids.
Why did it take so long for us to reach this point? Why didn’t I take better care of myself and turn you away years ago? Was I afraid of change? Did I think my friends would reject me if I didn’t have you with me? Was I somehow looking forward to the early death you promised? Was your presence just an indicator of my unwillingness to really live my life? Dominique, was I just using you as an excuse for all the unhappy things in my life? Was I blaming you for failed relationships, broken hearts, ruined attempts, and lost opportunities?
Why didn’t I just get rid of you and move on with my life?
My hands were so cold I dropped my keys letting myself into the warmth of my house. My legs were red with cold from the wind whipping across the bay. I left you on the same bridge I left Janet. You two will get along well.
Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I’m smiling again.
It feels good to be me. Away from you. Alive.
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Another liberation.. way to go, mate
I’m rooting for ya.
Thanks Nicholas! I need to be better about updating with letters. I’m getting behind as the Challenges are taking some time. Delighted with progress on both fronts though.
Don’t forget: “It’s not you, it’s me. . ” ha ha
I’m glad you dumped her, I never liked her either. Move on and don’t look back! She never respected you and she was just sucking the life right out of you.
I SO enjoy your sense of humor and the your command of language, even if you’re just using it to talk to yourself. .
She was disrespectful. Glad to have her gone. =)
I’m glad you’re finding the letters enjoyable!
ooooh! I so need to write a letter (or two) like this.
Well then, make it happen cap’n!
How are your New Year’s Resolutions coming along?
Wow! I’m loving your site. Just found it, and have been reading back stuff. Good going!
Thanks. =) I hope to keep the downward trend moving through the year.
Seth, this letter is great… another pound, way to go!
I feel that most of your current efforts can be understood and summarized when you ask “was I just using you as an excuse for all the unhappy things in my life?”
It’s so good that you are able to articulate it, face the answer, write these letters and take action!
2010 is going to be such a good year!
Take care,
Patricia
2011 will be even better. =)
Thanks so much for all your kind support!
oooh, good letter! i think the next one should be monique.
wait…too close to Dominique, unless they were twins! hmmm, how about Solange?
Good idea. A little dramatic for my taste. But I need to lose 15 pounds in six months to feel as healthy physically as I do mentally. It’s process, discipline and a little imagination. I like this idea. Maybe I’ll perform a similar ceremony. Maybe with fire.
Says the man who publishes freewrites on his blog. =)
Let me know what you fire ceremony consists of. I’m intrigued. =)
I think I’ll be naming all mine Gator, “later Gator, don’t let the door hit you on the ass.”
Love The Fountainhead references! If I remember right, Keating got pretty chunky there the older he got and the more he failed to follow his own heart, career- and relationship-wise. I guess stress can equal junk food even for fictional characters.
Your letter-writing idea is so wonderfully interesting. Like one of the commenters above, I too think it’s so easy to use excess weight as an excuse for all the things that are wrong in your life. I know I used it as a way to avoid relationships after having my heart severely broken. Like, since no guy would want to date a fat woman, all guys must be shallow, which, hello, is why I’m holing up in my apartment with a pizza instead of going out to meet guys who won’t appreciate me anyway. Kind of became a pattern of destructive thinking. (I’m married now — and looking forward to reaching my ideal weight, which my husband has only seen me at in very old pictures!)