Dear Priscilla,
By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. It’s something I’ve needed to do for quite some time but didn’t have the heart to talk to you about. I knew you wouldn’t understand. You’d say this is just another of my fascinations and that I’d never actually leave you.
But I have. I’ve left you Priscilla. Ours was not the type of relationship that would have made me into a better person. I was a bigger person for it, sure. But I wasn’t better. You were slowly killing me. Just you.
No, it doesn’t matter that you were one of many. This is about you and me. Not them. Not yet. Their time is coming. I won’t be sucked into yet another sedated goose chase of excuses and limp arguments. I’m not trying to be lazy this time. I’m not trying to suffocate my problems with a soft pillow of food and inactivity.
I don’t have to wonder when good things will start happening to me because I have become one of the good things happening in my life.
When I started writing these letters, I smiled at the idea of using vicious words to describe a painful breakup between longtime partners. I don’t feel that way about you, Priscilla. I’m not angry. I’m not resentful. I had some amazing things happen to me while we were together. I made some great friends, saw interesting things, ate delicious food, and even helped improve some people’s lives.
Now, as I say goodbye to you and think of all the others I already owe letters to, I’m so grateful. I’m grateful for the people around me who loved me as I was and support me in my change. I’m delighted at the progress I’ve made in spite of all the bouts of laziness and inconsistent focus. And I’m so glad for all the opportunities I’ve had to connect with others who pull some bit of inspiration from my stumbles.
Life is good. It’s even better now that I don’t have you, Priscilla.
